Reader Question:

i’m an 18-year-old feminine. Some over per month in the past, a 24-year-old friend friended myself on fb.

One night he kissed myself throughout the cheek and another he kissed me personally regarding lip area. At some point we began to hug him straight back.

I’m building more thoughts for him when I’m learning him, but I’m unsure how the guy seems regarding the situation.

Can it be OK for people to keep our physical union? Intercourse defintely won’t be an issue. He says that is not exactly what the guy wishes from me, and I you shouldn’t anticipate performing the deed until i will be wandered on the aisle.

Can I have a talk with him in regards to demonstrably identifying everything we have collectively?

-Jen (U.S.)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Jen,

I enjoy your own personal borders, but having principles and implementing are usually two different things.

As intimate human hormones warm up, could generate concerns he’ll keep if you do not follow improvements that have a tendency to increase.

It’s that slippery mountain that creates the modern-day hypocrite generally “the technical virgin,” individuals who participate in every type sex except vaginal intercourse.

For that reason, it is suggested restricting your own intimate touch at hand holding and cheek kissing.

Since you are younger and new to the game of claiming no, I have provided this short excerpt from my publication “The 30-Day like detoxification,” where we explain why a token “no” just isn’t enough:

“trying to not seem ‘sexually effortless,’ ladies can state ‘no’ to gender while maintaining warm fuel and bodily hookups nearness. Their own ‘no’ is murmured while they’re kissing him along with their arms.

This is very perplexing for men. Her mouth claims the one thing but her human body another. This can be a mixed information definitely. And most many time rape instances have already been attempted according to that big huge misunderstanding.

Sandra Metts, whoever just work at Illinois county college focuses primarily on intimate communication, says the ‘token no’ can be a dangerous method.

‘My guidance to young women who want to be polite to a possible spouse will be state no really directly following to move out of the personal framework. Practically remain true, move across the place, or ask you need to take home. Its a misconception that a man’s thoughts is going to be harmed or that he will feel discounted if his date will not make love. No description is essential.'”

As for whether you two should explore an emotional connection. Needless to say! In fact, the distance might help you keep your own promise to yourself to continue to be a virgin.

Remain in your limits plus don’t be timid about asking him about his thoughts as you go along.

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